Things that are Inevitable

 Recently, a couple in New Hampshire decided to have a gender reveal party. Gender reveal parties are a thing now in case you didn't know. The expectant couple has a gathering where the gender of the new addition to their family is announced in the form of blue or pink colors. These parties usually involve balloons or flowers but people tend to get more inventive with their festivities over time. There have now been several incidents where damage occurs or people are injured, even killed at gender reveal parties. 

The latest incident in New Hampshire was an inevitable occurrence in my opinion. Someone decided that they needed a bigger bang for their buck in their announcement party. Being from Alabama, I am almost certain there was a "hold my beer" moment in this particular incident. Someone got the bright idea of using Tannerite to explode a bunch of glitter at their announcement. A huge cloud of exploding blue or pink glitter. Seems harmless? Well.... that's only because you don't understand redneck mentality that same way I do. 

Tannerite is a readily available substance that is a two party stable explosive. After it is mixed it is impossible to set off unless you have a high velocity projectile to set it off. A high velocity projectile such as a bullet from a deer rifle. Yes.... Tannerite is the stuff they use on the gun shows to blow up things in an orgasmic display of testosterone enhancing explosion (usually at the end of the show). It is readily available at sporting goods stores or even on eBay. All you need to do is mix the ingredients and shoot the container with a high velocity bullet and PRESTO you have a large explosion. In case you didn't know this already, high velocity bullets and explosions are like a ready made wet dream for rednecks everywhere. 

At the gender reveal in New Hampshire someone decided (and this is another inevitability when dealing with explosions and people who like them) bigger would be better. Each one half pound "package" of Tannerite has the explosive energy of almost a whole stick of dynamite. Someone at this party decided to "go big or go home" (another statement you will often hear from rednecks) and bought eighty pounds of the stuff. That works out to be about twenty five pounds of TNT. YeeeHAW that will make quite a cloud of glitter (right after someone says hold my beer and pulls out the deer rifle). 

Fortunately, no one was killed in the blast the ensued. Unfortunately,  several homes in the area were damaged when the blast shook the ground hard enough to break foundations, crack bricks, break glass, and knock pictures off the wall in houses for miles around. The sound of the blast was heard in towns quite a few miles away and car alarms went off everywhere. Some people were upset. 

Like I said earlier, it was inevitable. Rednecks are everywhere and they also procreate, have deer rifles, and love gun shows and explosives. Thankfully, most of them aren't into physics and nuclear reactions or the next gender reveal might be the infamous mushroom cloud that Condoleeza Rice warned us about years ago.